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New, Easier Safety Standards.
A satirical look at job site safety.

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New, Easier Safety Standards...

         As a norm, company safety standards are lofty publications with a noble purpose. But, these lofty standards often are not enforced. As a service to busy company managers, I offer some suggestions for safety standards that are a little less lofty and more "real-world". These standards will save company managers lots of time because they will be much easier to enforce …
  • Hard hats and safety goggles shall be worn at all times that inspectors or officials are present.

  • All circuits shall be de-energized prior to the commencement of electrical work except, in the judgment of the electrician, it is too long of a walk back to the disconnect panel.

  • Hearing protection shall be required whenever music from worker’s radios is played at the decibel level deemed necessary to drown out jack hammer noise.

  • Horseplay on the job site will not be tolerated except when the prank is particularly humorous or played on that guy no one likes.

  • The people in the front office are very busy and should not have to deal with petty nuisances. Therefore, employees reporting minor injuries or unsafe working practices shall be considered "Whiners" by Company Management.

  • Brakes are considered essential equipment on Company vehicles. Employees must schedule their vehicles for maintenance within 30 days of hearing metal-to-metal sounds when applying brakes.

  • Swivel stools and / or chairs used for elevated work platforms shall not be stacked on more than four milk crates.

  • This Company requires all employees who operate potentially hazardous equipment to possess a qualification certificate for that equipment. Certificates will only be awarded to those employees who successfully sign an attendance sheet at a training seminar.

Remember, this Company operates as a close-knit team focused on the same goal. Safety is our Number One Priority…


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